Quotes From "Dash & Lilys Book Of Dares" By Rachel Cohn

You think fairy tales are only for girls? Here’s a hint–ask yourself who wrote them. I assure you, it wasn’t just the women. It’s the great male fantasy–all it takes is one dance to know that she’s the one. All it takes is the sound of her song from the tower, or a look at her sleeping face. And right away you know–this is the girl in your head, sleeping or dancing or singing in front of you. Yes, girls want their princes, but boys want their princesses just as much. And they don’t want a very long courtship. They want to know immediately. Rachel Cohn

So what else can I tell you?" I asked. "I mean, to get you to reveal Lily to me." She triangled her fingers under her chin. "Let's see. Are you a bed wetter?"" Am I a..?"" Bed wetter. I am asking if you are a bed wetter." I knew she was trying to get me to blink. But I wouldn't." No, ma'am. I leave my beds dry."" Not even a little drip every now and then?"" I'm trying hard to see how this is germane."" I'm gauging your honesty. What is the last periodical you read methodically?"" Vogue. Although, in the interest of full disclosure, that's mostly because I was in my mother's bathroom, enduring a rather long bowel movement. You know, the kind that requires Lamaze.""What adjective do you feel the most longing for?" That was easy. "I will admit I have a soft spot for fanciful."" Let's say I have a hundred million dollars and offer it to you. The only condition is that if you take it, a man in China will fall off his bicycle and die. What do you do?"" I don't understand why it matters whether he's in China or not. And of course I wouldn't take the money." The old woman nodded." Do you think Abraham Lincoln was a homosexual?"" All I can say for sure is that he never made a pass at me."" Are you a museumgoer?"" Is the pope a churchgoer?"" When you see a flower painted by Georgia O'Keefe, what comes to mind?"" That's just a transparent ploy to get me to say the word vagina, isn't it? There. I said it. Vagina. . David Levithan

It is much harder to lie to someone's face. But. It is also much harder to tell the truth to someone's face. David Levithan

Drosophila, ” I said, remembering the word.“ What?” Lily asked.“ Why do girls always fall for guys with the at ention span of drosophila?”“ What?”“ Fruit flies. Guys with the attention span of fruit flies.”“ Because they’re hot?”“ This, ” I told her, “is not the time for being truthful. Rachel Cohn

Cinderella was such a dork. She left behind her glass slipper at the ball and then went right back to her step-monster's house. It seems to me she should have worn the glass slipper always, to make herself easier to find. I always hoped that after the prince found Cinderella and they rode away in their magnificent carriage, after a few miles she turned to him and said, "Could you drop me off down the road please? Now that I've finally escaped my life of horrific abuse, I'd like to see something of the world, you know?.. I'll catch back up with you later, Prince, once I've found my own way. Rachel Cohn

My brother, Langston, said, “Lily, you don’t understand because you’ve never been in love. If you had a boyfriend, you’d understand.” Langston has a new boyfriend and all I understand from that is a sorry state of co-dependence. Rachel Cohn

Well, well, well, ” Santa said once the elf had retreated. “Come and sit on my lap, little boy.” This Santa’s beard was real, and so was his hair. He wasn’t fucking around.“ I’m not really a little boy, ” I pointed out.“ Get on my lap, then, big boy.” I walked up to him. There wasn’t much lap under his belly. And even though he tried to disguise it, as I went up there, I swear he adjustedhis crotch.“ Ho ho ho! ” he chortled. I sat gingerly on his knee, like it was a subway seat with gum on it.“ Have you been a good little boy this year?” he asked. I didn’t feel that I was the right person to determine my own goodness or badness, but in the interest of speeding along this encounter, I said yes. He actually wobbled with joy.“ Good! Good! Then what can I bring you this Christmas?”I thought it was obvious.“ A message from Lily, ” I said. “That’s what I want for Christmas. But I want it right now.”“ So impatient! ” Santa lowered his voice and whispered in my ear. “But Santa does have a little something for you”–he shifted a little inhis seat–“right under his coat. If you want to have your present, you’ll have to rub Santa’s belly.”“ What?” I asked. He gestured with his eyes down to his stomach. “Go ahead.” I looked closely and saw the faint outline of an envelope beneath his red velvet coat.“ You know you want it, ” he whispered. The only way I could survive this was to think of it as the dare it was. Fuck off, Lily. You can’t intimidate me. I reached right under Santa’s coat. To my horror, I found he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. It was hot, sweaty, Geshy, hairy … andhis belly was this massive obstacle, blocking me from the envelope. I had to lean over to angle my arm in order to reach it, the whole timehaving Santa laugh, “Oh ho ho, ho ho oh ho! ” in my ear. I heard the elf scream, “What the hell! ” and various parents start to shriek. Yes, I was feeling up Santa. And now the corner of the envelope was in my hand. He tried to jiggle it away from me, but I held tight and yanked itout, pulling some of his white belly hair with me. “OW ho ho! ” he cried. I jumped o1 his lap. “Security’s here! ” the elf proclaimed. The letter was in my hand, damp but intact.“ He touched Santa! ” a young child squealed. Rachel Cohn

Boomer took bites of all six varieties, contemplating each one and "guring out the order in which he would then eat them. “I like thebrown one and the lighter brown one and the almost-brown one. I’m not so sure about the minty one. But really, I think the lebkuchen spiceone is the best.”“ The what?”“ The lebkuchen spice one.” He held it up for me. “This one.”“ You’re making that up. What’s a lebkuchen spice? It sounds like a cross between a Keebler elf and a stripper. Hello, my name ees Lebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my cooooookies..”“ Don’t be rude! ” Boomer protested. As if the cookie might be offended. David Levithan

In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice–ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine cookie … to the point that I wanted to answer her What do you want for Christmas? with a simple More cookies, please! But no. She warned me not to be a smart-ass, and while that answer was totally sincere, I was afraid she would think I was joking or, worse, kissing up. It was a hard question, especially if I had to batten down the sarcasm. I mean, there was the beauty pageant answer of world peace, although I’d probably have to render it in the beauty pageant spelling of world peas. I could play the boo-hoo orphan card and wish for my whole family to be together, but that was the last thing I wanted, especially at this late date. David Levithan

I’m looking for Fat Hoochie Prom Queen, ” I declared. He did not respond.“ It’s a book, ” I said. “Not a person.” Nope. Nothing.“At the very least, can you tell me the author?” He looked at his computer, as if it had some way to speak to me without any typing on his part.“ Are you wearing headphones that I can’t see?” I asked. He scratched at the inside of his elbow.“ Do you know me?” I persisted. “Did I grind you to a pulp in kindergarten, and are you now getting sadistic pleasure from this petty revenge? Stephen Little, is that you? Is it? I was much younger then, and foolish to have nearly drowned you in that water fountain. In my defense, yourprior destruction of my book report was a completely unwarranted act of aggression.” Finally, a response. The information desk clerk shook his shaggy head.“ No?” I said.“ I am not allowed to disclose the location of Fat Hoochie Prom Queen, ” he explained. “Not to you. Not to anyone. And while I am not StephenLittle, you should be ashamed of what you did to him. Ashamed. Rachel Cohn

I know it’s technically goodwill to all men, but in my mind, I drop the men because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist. Goodwill shouldn’t be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I’d evenextend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, thosesupposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they’re in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we’re already being so generous in ourbig group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stu . Rachel Cohn

...The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in the physical realm, but they are always there in your heart, because they helped form your heart. There's no getting over that. Rachel Cohn

The best is when we all go at once, like an army of interrelated popcorn zombies who laugh the same laughs and gasp the same gasps and aren’t so germ-phobic with each other that we won’t share a ginormous Coke with one straw. Family is useful like that. Rachel Cohn

Prayer or not, I want to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it is possible for anyone to find that one special person. That person to spend Christmas with or grow old with or just take a nice silly walk in Central Park with. Rachel Cohn

No, really, ' I said. 'I think she's great. And I honestly like her about twenty more times now than I did when we were dating. But love needs to have a future. And Sofia and I don't have a future. We've just had a good time sharing the present, that's all. David Levithan

I wish I could remember the moment when I was a kid and I discovered that the letters linked into words, and that the words linked to real things. What a revelation that must have been. We don't have the words for it, since we hadn't yet learned the words. It must have been astonishing, to be given the key to the kingdom and see it turn in our hands so easily. David Levithan

But isn't this a dance? Isn't all of this a dance? Isn't that what we do with words? Isn't that what we do when we talk, when we spar, when we make plans or leave them to chance? Some of it's choreographed. Some of the steps have been done for ages. And the rest--the rest is spontaneous. The rest has to be decided on the floor, in the moment, before the music ends. Rachel Cohn

I wanted to talk to someone. But who? It’s moments like this, when you need someone the most, that your world seems smallest. Rachel Cohn

Somewhere between a friend and acquaintance–a frequaintance, as it were. Rachel Cohn

I mean, like most guys, you carry around this girl in your head, who is exactly who you want her to be. The person you think you will love the most. And every girl you are with gets measured against this girl in your head. Rachel Cohn

I'm persnickety, " I confessed. "Not, incidentally, to the point of being snarly. But still. Delightful and persnickety are not a common blend." "Do you want to know why I never married?" "The question wasn't at the top of my list, " I admitted. The old woman made me meet her eye. "Listen to me; I never married because I was easily bored. It's an awful, self-defeating trait to have. It is much better to be too easily interested. David Levithan

It's up to you, not fate. David Levithan

The world was full of waistrels and waifs, sycophants and spies - all of whom put words to the wrong use, who made everything that was said or written suspect David Levithan

I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.”“Who’s Lily?”“Some girl.”“ Ooh... a girl! ”“ Boomer, we’re not in third grade anymore. You don’t say, ‘Ooh... a girl! ’”“ What? You fucking her?”“ Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh... a girl! ’ much more than that. Let’s stick with ‘Ooh... a girl! David Levithan

You really think love needs to have a future?”“ Absolutely.”“ Good, ” Lily said. “So do I.”“Good, ” I echoed, leaning in. “So do you.”“ Don’t repeat what I say, ” she told me, swatting at my arm.“ Don’t repeat what I say, ” I murmured, smiling.“ You’re being silly, ” she said, but the silliness was falling out of her voice.“ You’re being silly, ” I assured her.“ Lily is the greatest girl who ever was.” I drew closer. “Lily is the greatest girl who ever was.” For a moment, I think we’d forgotten where we were. And then the officers returned, and we were reminded once again. David Levithan

With all due respect, if you’re forty-three, then I’m a fetus. David Levithan

I've always resented Hermione, because I wanted to be her so badly and she never seemed to appreciate as much as I thought she should that she got be her. She got to live at Hogwarts and be friends with Harry and kiss Ron, which was supposed to happen to me. Rachel Cohn

I don’t know what boldness came over me, but the resolute heaviness of Dash’s demeanor threatened to crush my soul. My pinky finger crept over and nestled against his, for comfort. Like a magnet, his pinky finger latched onto and intertwined with mine. I like magnets a whole lot. Rachel Cohn

I’ve always resented Hermione, because I wanted to be her so badly and she never seemed to appreciate as much as I thought she should that she got to be her. She got to live at Hogwarts and be friends with Harry and kiss Ron, which was supposed to happen to me. David Levithan

I walked inside Macy’s and faced the pathetic spectacle of a department store full of shoppers, none of whom were shopping for themselves. Without the instant gratification of a self-aimed purchase, everyone walked around in the tactical stupor of the financially obligated. Rachel Cohn

Goodwill to all.' I know it's techinically 'goodwill to all men, ' but in my mind, I drop the 'men' because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist. Goodwill shouldn't be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I'd even extend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, those supposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they're in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we're already being so generous in our big group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stuffed animals. I'm sure Santa would agree. 'Goodwill to all. . Rachel Cohn

The handwriting was a girl’s. I mean, you can tell. That enchanted cursive. Rachel Cohn

Be careful what you're doing, because no one is ever who you want them to be. And the less you really know them, the more likely you are to confuse them with the girl or boy in your head. David Levithan

You should never wish for wishful thinking. Rachel Cohn

I love snow for the same reason I love Christmas: It brings people together while time stands still. Cozy couples lazily meandered the streets and children trudged sleds and chased snowballs. No one seemed to be in a rush to experience anything other than the glory of the day, with each other, whenever and however it happened. Rachel Cohn

It's hard to show you that I tried unless you end up succeeding. Rachel Cohn

What do you want ?"It was a hard question, especially if I had to bat en down the sarcasm. I mean, there was the beauty pageant answer of world peace, although I’d probably have to render it in the beauty pageant spelling of world peas. Rachel Cohn

Having grown up here, I always wonder what it would be like to see this city as a tourist. Is it ever a disappointment? I have to believe that New York always lives up to its reputation. The buildings really are that tall. The lights really are that bright. There's truly a story on every corner. But it still might be a shock. To realize you are just one story walking among millions. To not feel the bright lights even as they fill the air. To see the tall buildings and only feel a deep longing for the stars. David Levithan

Because I withered under the glare of an actual invitation, I was a firm believer in preventive prevarication--in other words, lying early in order to free myself later on. Rachel Cohn